When you’re on the verge of quitting…

Dec 31, 2012

The topic of marriage renewal may not be a popular one when most are considering their New Year’s resolutions. However, it was just after New Years seven years ago that our marriage began to pull back together after several years of  falling apart. I hope as we begin 2013 this series might help you breath new life back into your marriage, too.

This post was first written in September of 2009 before Ethan was born. I never published it, but its words are as true today as they were then. If you’re on the verge of quitting right now like I was seven years ago, these thoughts are for you. Below is the first of several lessons I learned while in that place.

Jeremy and I our last summer pre-kids

As we’re beginning to enter this new stage of marriage, I’ve been reflecting back on what got us to where we are today. The last 8 years have been anything but easy, however, I can say they have drawn us closer than I would have thought possible even four years ago. At that time, we were going a very dark valley. Jeremy was traveling constantly, I was in career limbo, and for various reasons, we were beginning to fall apart. Besides my parent’s divorce, those are some of the hardest times I have ever been through.

So what has made the change in our marriage over the last four years? The overarching answer is God and lots of prayer, but as I read back over my journals from that time, I see tangible steps that God guided us through to bring us to where we are today.

Over the next few weeks, I’d like to share some of those steps with you in hopes that if you’re just looking for ides to grow closer, or if you’re like I was, on the verge of walking away, you might find encouragement and hope.

One of the first and most important steps was to to get as close to God as possible. Even on the days where he seemed far away, and there were many, I would seek him out in his Word and in the writings of others. Often times all I heard was, “Hold on, I am with you.” Or:

In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength. (Isaiah 30:15, NIV)

For me those were the hardest words to hear from God. I wanted to act, to take action now! I wanted to do something–anything–to relieve the hurt and pain trapped inside. But as Isaiah 50:10-11 says:

Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the LORD and rely on his God. But now, all you who light fires and provide yourselves with flaming torches, go, walk in the light of your fires and of the torches you have set ablaze. This is what you shall receive from my hand: You will lie down in torment.

From this one and other scriptures, I learned to wait on God to show me the next step–to light the lamp so I could see the way. If I had tried to find the light on my own, I would have caused only more hurt and more problems, not less.

I am so glad I waited and let him light my way. Through those times of waiting, God brought me closer to him and taught me lessons about trust and patience I could only learn in that place.
If you’re in that dark place now, the first thing I encourage you to do is to stop. Stop arguing. Stop judging. Stop nitpicking. And curl up close to God. Take time each day to sit at his feet and allow him to light your way. For it is only through following Him that you will find your way back to each other.

I am in no way a professional counselor. This series is to share what I learned during this time in our marriage in the hopes that others can find hope for their marriages, too. If you are in an abusive relationship of any kind, you might begin with these steps, but I also suggest you seek professional help from a counselor. The YWCA in your area may provide free counseling if you are in an abusive relationship.

Click here for the next post in this series: Discovering

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You’ll be amazed at the difference it makes in your life.


  1. Student Mommy

    Ps 27:14 is another good one that supports this. I never looked at it in this light though, but it’s my crutch scripture. I’m so glad you went through what you did, so that the rest of us can learn. He really does use all things for His glory.

  2. T. L. Cole

    Thank you so much for your comment, Student Mommy! That is another good verse to support those ideas!

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