This post was first written in September of 2009 before Ethan was born. I never published it, but its words are as true today as they were then. If you’re on the verge of quitting right now like I was seven years ago, these thoughts are for you. Below is the first of several lessons I learned while in that place.
|Jeremy and I our last summer pre-kids
As we’re beginning to enter this new stage of marriage, I’ve been reflecting back on what got us to where we are today. The last 8 years have been anything but easy, however, I can say they have drawn us closer than I would have thought possible even four years ago. At that time, we were going a very dark valley. Jeremy was traveling constantly, I was in career limbo, and for various reasons, we were beginning to fall apart. Besides my parent’s divorce, those are some of the hardest times I have ever been through.
In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength. (Isaiah 30:15, NIV)
For me those were the hardest words to hear from God. I wanted to act, to take action now! I wanted to do something–anything–to relieve the hurt and pain trapped inside. But as Isaiah 50:10-11 says:
Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the LORD and rely on his God. But now, all you who light fires and provide yourselves with flaming torches, go, walk in the light of your fires and of the torches you have set ablaze. This is what you shall receive from my hand: You will lie down in torment.
From this one and other scriptures, I learned to wait on God to show me the next step–to light the lamp so I could see the way. If I had tried to find the light on my own, I would have caused only more hurt and more problems, not less.
I am in no way a professional counselor. This series is to share what I learned during this time in our marriage in the hopes that others can find hope for their marriages, too. If you are in an abusive relationship of any kind, you might begin with these steps, but I also suggest you seek professional help from a counselor. The YWCA in your area may provide free counseling if you are in an abusive relationship.