My hands trembled as I dialed the phone number. A male’s voiced answered on the other end.
“Hi, my name is Cindy.” My words rushed out before I could chicken out. “A counselor friend gave me your number and said that you have experience helping women in my situation.”
I honestly don’t remember what he said next, but I’m sure he must have asked for more information about my problems. The words poured out. I had kept the truth in for so long, it was incredibly painful to bring it to the light. Between sobs I told him about my husband’s anger, how he used it against me and the kids, about him coming in the house when all was peaceful and whipping up the atmosphere to frenzy, and about how he constantly blamed the kids and me for any and all problems. When I ran out of words, there was a pause in the conversation. I expected him to tell me to buck up. I expected him to tell me that I simply needed to try harder. I expected him to tell me that it was entirely my fault.
Instead he said, “It certainly sounds like you are dealing with domestic abuse.”
I had not heard that term up to that point, but I knew enough to know that there was a name for what the kids and I were suffering through. A huge burden lifted off of me. Someone had validated my reality. I wasn’t crazy. I wasn’t lazy. And I wasn’t simply uncaring about my relationship with my husband.
I set up an appointment and thus began a huge step in my healing process.
Yes, it was painful. Yes, it was time consuming. Yes, at times it was draining. Yes, during the process a huge pocket of grief opened up that I did not know existed and then had to be waded through with the grief work done.
Sometimes I thought I would break under the weight, but my counselor assured me I was strong enough and he was right.
I had been emotionally isolated for so long, that I could not look at someone and say, “I need help.” I had read books like Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend which had opened my eyes and helped me a lot. I had managed my life situation for so many years already, I believed could manage by myself (of course, with God’s help!) thank you very much.
But I was wrong. I was at a place in my life where I could no longer manage by myself. I needed the help of a qualified counselor with experience in counseling abused women.
Jesus said in Matthew 13:15,
For this people’s heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes. Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them.
Before this time I had never connected healing to seeing, hearing, and understanding. I firmly believe God is able to heal people instantly but that is not how he chose to heal me.
I can honestly say healing for me has been hard, challenging work, but it has also been so worth it!!! I have and continue to rewrite my family tree.
I know there are some of you reading this who find yourselves in similar circumstances. Hear me; you don’t have to continue living there! There are answers. You can live a different, healthy life and, like me, rewrite your family tree so that your children don’t have to live the same type of life that you are living.
If this describes you, get help for you and your family. Seek counseling. Often the YWCA or domestic abuse centers offer free counseling for wives and children. Also, feel free to contact me through overacup.org for someone to walk beside you and encourage you as you follow your healing path.
Hugs and prayers,
Cindy
Cindy, I have known you many years and I know your walk with God has been a daily commitment! Your daily walk has made you stronger and able to overcome the struggles in your life! Your children are faithful Christians because of you and your friends consider you a blessing! Thank you dear friend for your dedication to the Lord’s work! Love you!