During the spring of 2011 I lost it. I will never forget the look on my 2yr old son’s face that day.

I don’t even remember what my husband and I were fighting about. We’re were standing in our kitchen doorway, and I held our son on my hip as rage spewed out of my mouth all over him and my husband. I remember the clenched fists, the short breaths, the clenched jaw. My husband tried to take our son from me, so he wasn’t so close to the explosion, but I jerked him away.

My son had just been staring at us wide eyed, but with the sudden movement from his usually calm mama, he fell apart. The trust fled from his eyes as his little baby face scrunched up and began to wail.

I passed him to my husband then, and I still remember those little eyes peeking over his shoulder at me wondering where his Mama went. Asking why his world was suddenly crumbling.

The rest of that day my little boy clung to his daddy. The joyful smile gone and replaced with worry lines too deep for his little round face. I could only wonder at the change my outburst had made in him and vowed to never do it again.

I wish I could tell you change came quickly.

I was in counseling at the time and we worked on physical movements like unclenching my fists when I felt myself getting angry and on deep breathing.

When I did feel angry, I also worked to remember and apply verses like:

And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil. ~ Eph. 4:26-27, NLT

Through these verse and others like them the Holy Spirit began to work in me.

In my journal a few months later, I wrote about another fight my husband and I had. I wanted to spew rage again. I wanted to accuse him and hurt him, but instead I remembered the verses I had been learning. I remember to slow down and listen. And that time, instead of our son being caught in the crossfire, my husband and I were able to talk through the problem, and I learned I had misunderstood. If I had continued in angry silence or gone to battle with guns blazing, I would have missed the opportunity to hear my husband’s heart and what he really meant.

Nowadays, my anger is mostly under control, but only through God’s Spirit at work in me. So much so, when I jumped into a conversation at my in-law’s recently about how I was close to standing up to someone for things they had said, my family looked around in shock. They couldn’t believe calm and level Tara could get wound up.

Friend, I know this battle you’re facing today is hard. I know you’ve probably been in the battle for years and it seems hopeless. I still have battles that feel that way, too. But we need to remember if you’re a Christian the same Spirit that brought Jesus back to life does live in you. And that Spirit can empower us to make lasting changes if we will agree with what God says and apply it to our lives.

Change is hard, but with God it is possible. {Tweet That!}

This week join us as we read chapter 10 “Regeneration” in The Search for Significance. In it McGee talks about the truth of us being made new in Christ and addresses barriers for us not accepting it.

Let’s grow together! It is so hard to remember that we’re a new creation in Christ and to believe His Spirit in us can help us overcome sin in our lives. What is the hardest part for you in remembering this truth?

 

Additional Resources:

If you’ve gotten behind or haven’t begun this study and would like to, find all the posts here: The Search for Significance Online Bible Study.

 

This song really relates to our study this week: “Same Power” by Jeremy Camp.