Image Credit: Morguefile.com
Continuing my story from last month of how I found love after a failed marriage and vowing never to marry again…
From my perspective, I had chosen so poorly in my first marriage that I did not trust my judgment of character. Fortunately, I have a group of support people, whose judgment I do trust. My mom, who is one of them, happened to come to visit during that Fall. So Sunday morning, after early services, I spotted Danny in the church atrium by the front doors. I drug mom over to meet him and introduced her to Danny.
That afternoon Mom and I were discussing Danny. She would ask me a question about him and I would say, “I don’t know, but I can email him and ask.” This continued through the afternoon, “Well, what about this?” I would email and ask. Danny would answer back. “What about that?” I would email. Danny would answer back. And so it went. That is really how I started emailing him regularly. It occurred to me as we emailed back and forth that had I simply trusted him with my phone number, we would probably have had one conversation a couple times a week and been done with it. As it was, we tended to shoot text-type emails back and forth anytime both of us were off work/school – he was in school at the time we met.
Danny: “How was work today?”
Me: “Grueling. What about school?”
Danny: “Ah. It was okay.”
Me: “What genre of books are your favorites?”
Danny: “Religious and self-help.”
Me: “May I ask you another question?”
Danny: “You can ask me anything you want.”
Me: “But will you answer truthfully?”
Danny: “Yes. I feel like an ancient city with no walls.”
Me: “How old was your son Michael when he died?”
Danny: “He was three days from turning 18.”
Me: “I am so sorry. : ( “How did he die?”
Danny: “He was murdered.”
Me: “I’m so sorry.”
Danny: “The instrumental song on the CD I gave you is played by Michael. It is a song he wrote.”
Me: “I will listen to it again now that I know.”
And so it went. I would ask a question, he would answer. Every now and then, he would ask a question. I was very mistrustful. Honestly, how did I know he wasn’t an ax murderer? So I Googled him. I discovered he really did have a child who died – I found his name listed in an old Compassionate Friends post. Also, he really did have his flight instructor’s license. A family member ran a background check on him for me – he passed. I looked to see if he was on the Sexual Offender list – he wasn’t. But there was one more test.
I had a dear friend who had her master’s degree in Psyche nursing, and my daughter is a Licensed Professional Counselor. If they could not spot a personality disorder, who could? In late January, my daughter came to town. I invited my dear friend, her husband, and Danny to supper. Danny says that he knew it was a dog and pony show. He came anyway. He was engaging, held up his end of the conversation, and talked knowledgeably on many subjects. In short, he passed. No personality disorders identified.
It would have been a whole heap easier had he not passed, but that’s a story for next month…
Hugs and blessings,