Today, I attended the celebration of life of a woman who left this world too soon. I never got by to tell her “bye.” I didn’t take the opportunity, even once I knew she was in hospice, to stop in. I felt I would be a nuisance. I thought she would have plenty of people around and it would be awkward for someone who thought themselves to be a stranger to see them in that state. I made many excuses, but I didn’t go. And now it’s too late. I told her husband, an old rancher I would stop in at the farm someday. I know what someday means for me. It’s not that I intend to not do these things, I have every intention. Then, it’s too late.
I intend many things. I intend to learn a language, I intend to study more, I intend to get up early, I intend to run each morning, I intend to keep up with family, I even intend to write this post which has been running through my head since I found out my acquaintance passed away. I intend, but then I don’t do.
I get caught up in the business of life, in the hustle of reaching my goals and finding my way. I don’t intend to leave relationships behind. But I do. I feel the guilt of what I don’t do, but I don’t make a change. I don’t intend to stay on the same path. But I do.
I know that in me, that is, in my fallen human nature, there is nothing good. I can will myself to do something good, but that does not help me carry it out. I can determine that I am going to do good, but I don’t do it; instead, I end up living out the evil that I decided not to do. Romans 7:18-19 (The Voice)
Here we see Paul having the same struggle. It is comforting to know I am not the first one and likely not the last to deal with this.
As you go through your week, share your struggles with us in the OAC community here or on Facebook. Let’s pray for one another to become more of what we need to be and have busyness take less of a hold in our lives.
Let’s Pray:
“Father I ask peace for those of us who struggle with priorities and get caught in the hustle and bustle of life. I ask you give us direction and help us focus on what is important this week. In Jesus name.”
Great post. And you’re right, you won’t be the first, and definitely not the last.
When I was sixteen my mother was ill. I had briefly spoken to her when I arrived home after being with my cranky dad who was covering her shift at our family restaurant. My brother walked by and told me she called me. I did not believe him and did not go. After all, I reasoned, I had just spoken to her. This is one regret I’ve carried since 1968. It helps to know that God forgives us, but we are much harder on ourselves.
It is so hard to let go of regret, Anne. We are certainly much harder on ourselves. After experiences this regret, I’ve tried much harder to connect with those most important to me regularly. I’m sure you have, too.