While reading today, I came across the following question:
“Spend a few moments think what you are still counting in your relationship with God. Is it failures? Minutes in prayer? Number of converts? If you find yourself doing these things, ask God to help you receive what he has already given you. Stop doing anything that seeks to earn his love and lean to do what you do simply because you already have this love. This is quite a change of mind that only God’s Spirit can produce.” He Loves Me, Wayne Jacobsen, pg. 141.
I definitely count what I do in my quite time. Did I get my time in today? Did I spend enough time? Did I read what he wanted me to? This type of thinking makes me feel further away instead of closer. I quickly realized I would never consider those things in my personal relationships. I set aside time for just for Jeremy, but I would never think, “Okay, this is what we need to talk about to make this time profitable.” That would be ridiculous. I might do that type of thing in a meeting with someone where we need to accomplish an outside goal, but never when I’m trying to get to know someone better and build a relationship. So why do I do that with God and feel guilty when we don’t appear “accomplish” something?