So as you may remember, I’ve been on this journey to find home this year. “Home” is my word for the year. Ironically, we have now lived in 4 places in the last 11 months.
What has moving this many times in the last year taught me about home? This last time it taught me that being blue and down are just part of moving and changing locations. It doesn’t matter if the move is to a different part of the same city or to a new town. In both instances you may feel “home sick” and out of sorts as you adjust to your new surroundings.
In March we came back to Oklahoma City after spending the winter on Oahu for Jeremy’s job. We decided to rent a small, cheap, two bedroom apartment while we looked for a house. Ouch! 5 1/2 months later and no house we were still living there.
It took me a long time to adjust to those living arrangements. While it was great to be closer to church and friends, the living quarters, which were about half the size of our house and not well laid out, were flat out hard. I was so homesick and blah feeling. During those first few months, I thought all my home sickness and blues were because I disliked our apartment so much, and I figured I just needed to pull myself out of it. So after months of working on my “attitude problem” by the end of our time there, it was beginning to feel like home, and I really didn’t mind it much at all.
However, now that we have moved again to a different city and a comfortable, three bedroom apartment, I still find myself home sick and feeling blue. It occurred to me that if the city didn’t seem to prevent these feelings and the actual living space didn’t effect it, then just maybe I didn’t have an “attitude problem” during those first few months back in Oklahoma City. Just maybe these were feelings normal to moving, and I just need to let myself be while I adjust.
I realize that may not be an epiphany to anyone else. But we had lived in Oklahoma City for the last 10 years and in our house for nine. So even though I had moved a lot as a kid, I had never really moved as an adult. I’m finding there is a huge difference between the two.
As a kid, I met someone on the play ground or at church, and we either clicked and played together or we didn’t. As an adult with kids, I feel like I’m dating again. How close do we live to each other? Do our kids get along, or if they have no kids, do they mind mine? Do we have anything at all in common? It feels so much harder.
Again, I have no answers. It just is what it is. So maybe that’s the answer. If you’re in a place of transition, from a move, a marriage, a baby, and job, anything. Give yourself a break. Get off your back and just let yourself be.
One day you’ll turn around and find you feel like yourself again. Until then treat yourself to your favorite warm comfort drink on me. Lean back and relax as your hands wrap around the warm mug. Take a deep breath of the aroma (today mines a Cinnamon Cafe Con Leche), and take a long sip. Love on yourself a little. Because after all you’re here. You made the leap of faith and made the change, now is the time to just relax, go easy on yourself, and wait until the rest of you catches up.